Focus is a big thing for me. I’ve always felt a bit special because I could do things with full concentration. If I watch a movie I’ll probably be intensely concentrating on it, even if it’s bad. And if I’m reading a book, I’m gone to the world. You’ll have to call me multiple times and shove me too for me to acknowledge your existence.
But recently, I’ve been unable to focus properly. I even had a whole hour when I just sat and stared at trees. Not because I was enjoying the scenery (which I do once in a while), but simply because for the life of me I couldn’t decide what to do next!
I’m one of those people who firmly believe that you should plan out your life, especially the big things. The little things sometimes aren’t worth bothering about. If things don’t flow according to plan, then it’s not your fault, but you still need to plan anyway.
So when I feel unfocused like that, it feels to me like I’m floating with nothing to hold on to. I don’t like it. I don’t like not knowing what to do next and not feeling sure of my life. It’s a bit alien to me.
It’s not like I’ve always planned every second of my life. Most of the time I don’t know what the best thing to do is. But I promised myself a long time ago that I’d try to live a life without regrets. So I thought a long long time before deciding on a few principles that I would always hold firm to. As long as I stuck to those, I could never regret whatever I did.
Yes, quite a few of those principles are based on religion. Quite a few more are based on family bonds. And the rest are pretty much based on common sense. And so far I haven’t yet regretted any decision I made using them. The very few that I do regret are all the times I forgot my principles.
But right now I’m in a quandary (always wanted to use that word!). Because sticking to my principles still leaves me more than one option.
So should it be another of those times when I just randomly pick? I’m pretty sure I won’t regret it, but I’m pretty sure that there’s a best choice here.
It needs more research, more questions. But I don’t know who to ask. Why can’t life be like a game, where you can google strategy guides?